You know what really grinds my gears?

-NFL Replacement Refs. You’re ruining my life, and the lives of all football fans in the USA.

-Mitt Romney. He asks why the windows on a plane don’t roll down, and I ask why he’s running for president.

-Hipsters. No ones heard of the music you listen to for a reason. The artist is underpaid, and lacks talent.

-Cannibals. Stop trying to eat my hand, I’m trying to sleep!

-Superman. You got lucky with your powers. Why don’t you get some real talent, like Batman?

-Couples who confess their love all over my Twitter feed. You’re going to break up within the week, so please go away.

-Michael Bay. Have you seen that movie Michael Bay directed with the hot chicks and explosions? Yeah, me too.

-“90’s Kids”. You were born in ’96? I’m sure the 90’s were chock-full of you being wildly spoon-fed applesauce, and pooping your diaper.

-Dog owners who don’t pick up their dogs poop. I’m sick of mowing my lawn, and running over a fresh stack of your dog’s waste.

-Springdale Bulldogs. GO HAR-BER. WOO.

-When people say “Raised Right” when they’re referring to being Republican. You shouldn’t be RAISED into anything. You should be open minded, and use your vote to choose who YOU personally believe should lead the nation.