You know what really grinds my gears?

-NFL Replacement Refs. You’re ruining my life and the lives of all football fans in the USA.

-Obnoxious Vegetarians. I don’t care about how they’re treating the cows; this steak is delicious.

-Mitt Romney. He asks why the windows on a plane don’t roll down, and I ask why he’s running for president.

-Hipsters. No one has heard of the music you listen to for a reason. The artist is underpaid and lacks talent.

-Cannibals. Stop trying to eat my hand. I’m trying to sleep!

-Superman. You got lucky with your powers. Why don’t you get some real talent, like Batman?

-Couples who confess their love all over my Twitter feed. You’re going to break up within the week, so please go away.

-Michael Bay. Have you seen that movie Michael Bay directed with the hot chicks and explosions? Yeah, me too.

-“90’s Kids”. You were born in ’96? I’m sure the 90’s were chock-full of you being wildly spoon-fed applesauce and pooping your diaper.

-Dog owners who don’t pick up their dog’s poop. I’m sick of mowing my lawn and running over a fresh stack of your dog’s waste.