For those of you out there preparing for the end of the world on Dec. 21, let me give you a few tips on how to make it out alive.
Food, Food, Food-Buy in bulk. Make sure to stock your cart with an abundance of beans, various grains, dairy, and canned fruit. Before stampeding into your local grocery store, assemble a team of extreme couponers, Olympic athletes, and professional wrestlers to help you get the job done.
Build an Underground Fortress-After securing a plethora of nourishment, now it is time to go underground. Dig holes and create a new home for you and your community. Do not forget to include the maze of tunnels to the new abode or the high tech security to keep out any unwanted visitors.
Get Fit-Whether it’s running from hot lava, zombies, or a tsunami, staying fit has never been more imperative. Thanksgiving is over, people, and it is time to drop the turkey legs and pick up the dumbbells. Be sure to limber up before you go into any action.
Gear Up-From firearms to bow and arrows, having a weapon will protect you from all of the unknown dangers you will face when disaster strikes. Embrace your inner Katniss and perfect your aim in order to defend yourself from animals and even the occasional zombie.
Bonding Time!-Nothing brings the family together like catastrophic disasters. Remember to stock up on board games like Monopoly or Life (no pun intended). Be sure to resolve any family disputes, as they will be the only faces you will see for quite some time.
And so with this, I wish you a Merry Christmas and may the odds be ever in your favor.