Growing up, moving on

Payton Primm, News Editor

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It is a warm Saturday afternoon in May and we sit on a log by the lake, watching the water swirl into loose waves at the mercy of the wind. Your short blonde curls surrender to the rhythm of the wind as well, and the bow in your hair matches your outfit perfectly. In fact, your bow matches my clothes too. We are dressed identically, as usual. A yellow butterfly glides by, and you quickly get up to chase it. I mimic your every move, hopping up off of the log and running wild, longing to be exactly like you.

It is a cold morning in November, and you have your best friend over at our house. She is like another sister to you, and I dislike this, wanting desperately for you to find fulfillment in me alone. I follow you around, and wherever the two of you go, that is where I go. You have had enough of this, and you call out to mom, begging her to make me come downstairs and leave you two alone. I obey mom’s commands for now, but I will be back in a few hours.

It is a rainy Friday morning, and we are moving into our temporary house. We adjust to the reality of sharing a bathroom with each other for the first time in ten years, and it is not an easy task. Clothes piling up on the floor drive me crazy, my toothpaste stains on your side of the mirror make you feel as if you are losing your mind. Yelling turns to days of silence, and we find that silence hurts more than the pain caused by angry voices. We make up like it is nothing- a quick apology leads to hours of laughing together, compensating for the lost time.

It is a Tuesday morning in April, and I wake up in tears. The clock reads 7:50 a.m., and I hate the fact that I am crying. I have always prided myself in being the girl that rarely cries. I lazily wander into your bedroom, watching you sleep. I know that you should probably be awake and getting ready for school by now, but I let you sleep, knowing that this is one of the last times that you will be sleeping in the room right next to mine.

I picture you in a few weeks, dressed in a blue cap and gown, throwing your cap in the air and saying goodbye to your current life and hello to your future. The thought of you growing up and moving on breaks my heart, but I know that a piece of my heart will always be you. Your smile, your laughter, your tears, the way you have loved me with abandon for all of these years. You have shown me what it means to stand up for what you believe in, overcome obstacles that seem absolutely impossible, and live radically without fear. If I could live in your shadow for the rest of my days, I would consider it a life well lived. I love you forever, HP.

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Growing up, moving on