Here are few things that have been occupying my mind for the past few weeks, and today is the day that I put these thoughts on record for all future generations to read until Earth’s final days. Future civilizations will dig up this article and understand the mindset of one teen who lived a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
The first thing is the battle between sweet tea and unsweet tea. I’ve met few people who preferred regular iced tea over sweet tea. Here’s how I think sweet tea was created.
The beverage gods were in a frenzy after Tea Sweetus, the king of all beverage gods, lost his child, Lemon Wedge. Tea Sweetus sent all of the heavens and earth on a mission to find his lost child.
All hope was lost after months and months of vigorous searching came up empty handed. Tea Sweetus, whom was already very good with the ladies, found love in different places to fill the void his heart had recently gained.
On earth, on a farm in mid-southern North America (modern United States south) lived the Palmer family. The son of Deacon and Doris Palmer was Arnold. One day when strolling their vast lemon tree farms, Arnold stumbled upon the tallest of the trees.
This was peculiar, as that this tree wasn’t so tall the day before. It could have easily been 8 feet taller than the many surrounding trees. He approached it, and found at the lowest part of the tree was a glowing lemon. He knew it had to be the son of Tea Sweetus and returned it to Mountain Dew (the home of all beverage gods).
Tea Sweetus was so overjoyed at the return of his son that he released the sacred drink of sweet tea (drunk only by the gods) unto the American South, because he figured that all humans in the south must be as good as Arnold.
Secondly, Tea Sweetus grabbed a lemon from the Golden Lemon Tree of Mt. Dew and combined it with a pure glass of sweet tea, and dubbed it “The Arnold Palmer.”
So, that is my theory of how we humans were given sweet tea and how the Arnold Palmer came to be. Iced tea did not earn such a story because iced tea is not the same level of fantastic that Sweet tea is.
This story has to be true, because why does Sweet Tea taste so good when combined with southern sun light? Because it’s creation was divine of course!
