Working in customer service is like making yourself into a sleeper agent.

You’re standing there, exhausted after making twenty large popcorn combos and sweeping up more popcorn than you thought was possible. You’ve got mystery stains on your dress pants, and your belt is too tight. You’re standing there dazed until someone gets into your line.

You spring to life, paste a smile on your face, and put on your service voice. Your eyes glaze over, and you channel your inner ‘50s housewife. You’re in your body, but you’re not. You’re just a passenger in your own head. Once the interaction is over, your personality comes right back. You’re so out of it, again.

If you’ve never worked in customer service, have you ever gone for a swim? You know when you swim to the bottom of a deep pool and you push off toward the surface? Those seconds just before you’re there, when the surface tension hasn’t broken yet, is exactly how it feels.

On a particularly slow day, my coworkers and I were in the midst of a heated discussion, a serious debate. We had previously been instructed not to get into these types of conversations because they stir the pot and inspire animosity between people who need to be around each other for extended periods. As I was defending my controversial stance on the topic, explaining why pancakes are so much better than waffles, a customer walked up asking for a refill of popcorn. It was like I stepped out of the driver’s seat, and when I came back, I got right back to my explanation.

Once, my mother, the woman who gave me life, the first person I ever met, came in to surprise me at work. I served her, and I completely blocked it out. When she texted me about it, I was so confused until it came back to me.

It’s strange, but I’m so grateful for it. It makes the ten-hour shifts feel like nothing.